The Normal Heart

How do I begin this post?

Well I heard about this movie when it came out, and knew I needed to see it. I mean, anything directed by Ryan Murphy has to be a stroke of pure genius and nothing less. I didn't really know what it was about, just that a lot of famous people were in it and the Ryan Murphy directed it.
Then it got nominated for a bunch of Emmy's so I looked it up to learn about it, and then of course it won an Emmy.
It took until I was given a related assignment in school to finally watch it. For my class on the way history is written, we were assigned to read a text called "Gay New York" which is about how New York had a flourishing gay culture before World War II. So finally I decided to watch the film because I knew it was related and would be something good to compare the text to in class.

Here's a quick description. The movie takes place in the early 1980's when the AIDS epidemic begins. It is told from the viewpoint of Ned Weeks who founds the first HIV advocacy group and follows the group as they try to find a way to stop AIDS, which is a struggle for them because the government does not support the gay lifestyle and therefore does not provide any kind of funding for doctors who want to research AIDS.

Now I'm more politically inclined than most people my age, so I really enjoy watching things that focus on big societal issues like this. You know what I learned? It's so ridiculous that gay culture is still a controversial issue in our day. New York City in the 1920's had found a way to accept gay culture, but somehow after World War II being gay became synonymous with being abnormal. Then in the 80's the gay community reaches out for help and the government turns their heads. Now 30 years later and we still haven't seen the government support the cause? Sure, DOMA was overruled, but the states have taken it upon themselves to ignore the federal government.

The biggest thing that hit me during this movie was that people were dying. Hundreds, thousands of people. The character played by Jim Parsons (Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory) grew so accustomed to having his friends die that it stopped emotionally affecting him, and he grew to have a desk full of business cards of his dead friends- that was the best he could do to commemorate them. People are dying and the government stands idly by.

Granted, we are not in as hostile a situation today, but the reason I love movies like this is because they make people take notice of the issues. This was an issue during the 80's that people should have been following, and there are issues today that people should follow. Gay rights, marijuana, ISIS, you name it.

I just want people to watch this so they can be so emotionally affected by it that it makes them want to go out and be a political activist for a cause that they believe in.

So please go watch it.
Fun fact, in the movie, Mark Ruffalo's character tells the story of Alan Turing, the man responsible for winning WWII by cracking the German enigma code. Turing was openly gay, and although he essentially won the war, he committed suicide because he received so much hate. Ruffalo's character says to his team that maybe if they had taught about Alan Turing in schools, that Turing and other's wouldn't be committing suicide, and then maybe gay people of today wouldn't be afraid to be who they are.

So here's my new political issue that you activists need to focus on. History is written and unwritten, and somehow Turing was left out of the books. We learned in my writing history class that Texas controls where our textbooks come from, and is commonly known for changing the history that we learn about. It's time we take charge and make our schools teach the real history. It shouldn't be left out that Turing committed suicide, or that Turing even existed. I didn't know who he was. No one does, because it's easier to leave out the civil rights issue and just say that we won the war. No one mentions the fact that another war- the AIDS epidemic- broke out not too long afterwards.

The 'F' Word

So I haven't posted anything in a while, and I've been feeling bad about it, but there was nothing that I really felt the need to talk about.

But then this happened.

So we were having family pizza night, all sitting on the couch watching tv, when this commercial comes on. Now in retrospect, I am wishing I paid attention to what the commercial was actually for, but it's a little late for that. Anyway, the commercial comes on and a girl in a pink dress walks out, and says a line that ends in the word 'fabulous', to which my brother very loudly replies "I think you mean fat-ulous." Now this girl was not fat, she was probably the same size as I am, and it doesn't matter anyway. So I turned to him and said "wow that's so rude" and he says "but it's a weight loss commercial" (it wasn't, I'm pretty sure it was cereal). And I respond "it doesn't matter, that girl is the same size as I am and it offends me that you think it's okay to say that," to which he replies, "you need to stop being so sensitive."

Well now I'm pissed. Do you know how many teenage girls develop eating disorder's because a boy calls them fat? Or how many girls commit suicide because bullies call them ugly? The thing is, he's been doing this our whole lives; openly pointing out women (and men) and calling them too fat or too ugly. In high school he decided that the dress code should change so that skinny people have different rules than fat people.

It's not okay to call someone fat or call someone ugly or call someone anything. It's just horrible that any of this happens at all. How did our society get to this point where we decided there was nothing wrong with pointing out things we don;t like about other people? And why don't we like them?

If someone gets offended by you calling them fat, it's not because they are sensitive, it's because you're an asshole. And it worries me that after all these years, a boy going to college still thinks it's okay to say bad things about people, around other people. I don't want to have a brother who is a douchebag. It disappoints me that I wasn't a good enough sister to teach him that one of the most important things in life is treat people fairly and kindly, and to accept people of all types, and not criticize or judge. I just don't understand how we have completely different outlooks on life, and why it's so hard for him to even try to understand mine.

Why I Hate the Bachelorette (and the Bachelor)

I am a very strong supporter of the movement to teach girls that they shouldn't expect or be expected to look like the girls we see on tv and in magazines- that being heavy, or colored, or awkward, or gay is perfectly fine. But the fact of the matter is that, the people who are thin, straight, and have perfect skin are the ones everybody wants to be. And that is why I hate the Bachelor/Bachelorette. I hate it because it seems to preach that this is the way everyone needs to be. Every contestant that they've had has been a model-like figure. Look at the current contestant Andy- super skinny, perfect hair; the girl every guy wants. But you know what? These pretty girls have the easiest time meeting men, so why is it fair to give them a tv show that helps them meet guys, and not give a matchmaking show to a girl who is overweight or a girl who is disfigured from breast cancer surgery, or a girl that isn't on the surface perfect? Is it because the producers simply don't think that they can find any matches? Because that's a lie. I hate this show because it teaches girls who are different (especially girls who aren't a single digit size because every contestant has been a size 4 or smaller) that they don't have a chance at getting on the show, so they probably don't have a chance at love.
So I'd like to tell the producers of this stupid show to stop being elitist douchebags and help someone find love who actually needs the help- someone who can't walk into a bar and immediately have multiple men asking if they can buy her a drink. Also start showing some realistic men and women on your show-it's supposed to be a reality show, isn't it?

Poem of the Week

I know already posted one earlier this week but hey, I'm feeling generous.



What I'd Rather Do Than Tell Someone I Love Them

1) Blast music from my room at 3 am while sharing stories with a friend I've only recently met
2) Write a poem about my future by the light of the moon
3) Watch the Parent Trap and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang with my mother on a Sunday afternoon
4) Read Ariel, listen to the Beatles and learn to waltz
5) Convert from Catholic to Baptist 
6) Reminisce about gym class in middle school
7) Wonder why the moon revolves around the Earth and then Google it
8) Sing Ain't No Sunshine on a sunny day with my guitar on my front lawn
9) Eat an apple, swim three miles, eat an apple
10) Date someone my parents hate so that when we break up they can be proud of me
11) Make a phone call to the only boy I've ever loved and let him know that I'm moving on 
12) Start a journal dedicated to Anne Frank
13) Convert back to Catholicism and go to confession 
14) Attend my middle school reunion
15) Sew into a quilt the words I never said to the Prima Donna who used to be my best friend
16) Re-read my middle school yearbook 
17) Watch my brother get beat up and that night egg the kid's car and slash his tires
18) Throw away any valentine I ever received
19) Wear a pair of jeans that make my butt look big
20) Try to remember what I learned in Biology
21) Try to remember sleepovers
22) Try to remember my first friend, first kiss, first dip in the pool, first feeling that felt like the rain forest
23) Try to remember the girl that died when she was 14 walking home from school
24) Re-visit middle school 
25) Dare to think about high school
26)Plan out my future while erasing the past
27) Take 3 more steps
28) 2 more
29) 1 more 
30) Tell anyone I knew in middle school that I miss them 
31) I miss them 
32) Wave goodbye
33) Take 4 steps backwards 
34) Hello

TV Shows that I'm Obsessed With

I have a problem with becoming obsessed over tv shows. Especially during the summer when I have a lot of free time. So in case anyone needs some new shows to check out, here's my list!

(By channel for your convenience)

Fox:
American Idol
Bones
Glee
Ellen

CW:
Supernatural
Vampire Diaries
The Originals
America's Next Top Model
Smallville
Veronica Mars
The Secret Circle
The Tomorrow People
Star-Crossed

A&E:
Duck Dynasty (sadly- my family's fault)
Criminal Minds

TLC:
Cupcake Wars
Four Weddings
Gypsy Sisters
Long Island Medium
My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding
Say Yes to the Dress
Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta
Say Yes to the Dress: Bridesmaids
Toddlers and Tiaras
What Not to Wear (Secretly my goal in life is to take over this show)

MTV:
Snooki & JWOWW
Catfish (my newest obsession)
Girl Code
Teen Wolf
Awkward
Faking It

ABC:
Once Upon a Time
Dancing With the Stars (Team Derek!)

ABC Family:
Pretty Little Liars
The Fosters
Boy Meets World (So pumped for Girl Meets World on Disney!)
Greek (when it was on)

Disney:
Austin & Ally (only because I love Ross Lynch)

USA:
NCIS
Fairly Legal

Other Shows:
Ghost Adventures
Tanked
Fish Tank Kings
The Big Bang Theory
A Haunting
The Glee Project


I have a life, I swear.

Blast from the Past

Stumbled upon this little thing while cleaning my room; a poem from when I thought I would try out slam poetry. Eh.


I'm built like that
Built like forty foot gates
Made of iron, keeping in, 
Built like bronze plates and glass slates
I lived twenty years and a day
Saw nothing but gray skies
Lived off seeds and solitude
That's why I was built 
For long days and cold nights
Built for fortresses and low incomes
I traveled bareback
Lost time and conscience
Days only brought reconnaissance 
That's why I was built for the ground
Built for the earth
I ate tweed and sang mist
Carried the heavy weight of hope
Formed calluses on my feet from iron-clad gravity
I sparred with daylight
Fenced with desire
Ground my hands into stone
And when I'd finished living
I tore off a layer of pent up anguish
Condensed sweat and pain
And threw away days of dirt, mud, and past
For I was built like that

Books and Politics (do with this what you will)

So this is partially a book review and partially a political rant.

I know I already did the death penalty post, so I'll try not to go overboard, but it plays a big role in this book so of course I've got to yet again share my beliefs.

So the book that I just finished is called Change of Heart and it's by one of my favorite authors Jodi Picoult. The plotline of the book is that main character Shay Bourne has been convicted of murder and is on death row. While in prison, he finds out that the daughter of the man that he killed is having heart failure and will likely die, and he decides that he wants to donate his heart to her. This poses a problem because lethal injection is designed to stop the heart, so heart transplant would not be an option.
So Shay gets an attorney who makes it her job to fight for his cause, and also a spiritual adviser, because they choose to use a religious defense to argue his case.

There are some heavy religious elements to this story. I'll try not to spoil them because I want everyone to go out and read this. Basically, random miracles start occurring within the prison and the prisoners accredit them to Shay. Picoult draws a lot of parallels from Shay to Jesus, and also manages to critique Christianity with her theme of the gnostic gospels.

You would think that being a Christian, I would be highly offended by this idea, but I'm not at all. Who's to say what kind of person Jesus would or wouldn't be? I like to think that God doesn't stereotype. Also, many Christians are against believing in the gnostic gospels, but if you know the story behind them then I'm not sure how you would. Basically they are gospels that were excluded from the Bible, and well you can read the book to learn the rest.

The book is great. However what offends me is that the case is so reliant on religion, and I am a firm believer in the fact that religion does not belong in the courtroom. I found it a bit ridiculous that not once did Shay's attorney in court mention the fact that he would be saving a girl's life! No, she just used the religious argument to apply to state law. I understand that the law needed to be included, but with my experience in court I can be sure as hell that the attorney would focus on the fact that a little girl would be dying otherwise.

I especially love that in the beginning, Jodi brings up an important flaw in the criminal justice system: jury selection. This has been the focus of so many papers that I have written and I promise I wont rant, but the system is messed up. Its not 'justice' to let 12 people with no legal background have the final say in legal matters. The law is about what the law says, not what society thinks, and personally I don't support the current jury system. That being said, Jodi seemed to agree when writing from the stance of one of the jurors. He said that, "Coming into court felt like being a tourist in a foreign country who is expected to speak the language." That's the thing, jurors don't know the law, yet they have to make decisions based on this world that they aren't a part of. He says "it's a strange thing, putting justice into the hands of twelve strangers." AMEN.

Finally, let me just do a quick death penalty summary. In a previous post I explained why I disagree with it. Another reason was brought up in this story. No matter how many people say that lethal injection is quick and painless, they're wrong.

First of all, in case you don't watch the news, a couple weeks ago there was a disaster in which a death row inmate was supposed to be executed by lethal injection, and it was injected wrong or something and the death lasted for 40 minutes and the inmate eventually died not of lethal injection but of heart attack. It was gross.

But the criminal justice system says that this is a very rare exception because lethal injection is simple. SAYS WHO? The only reason that they can say this with confidence is because no one has ever come back to tell them otherwise.
I know some will argue that death penalty should hurt because the person deserves it. Well I don't like you so shut up.
Our legal system guards against cruel and unusual punishment, so for those of you who think lethal injection applies to that, here's a piece from Change of Heart.

"Lethal injection was supposed to be like putting a dog to sleep- a drowsiness came over you and you just never woke up. It was a cocktail of three drugs: sodium pentathol- a sedative, pavulon- a muscle paralyzer, and potassium chloride which stops the heart. Sodium pentathol is ultra short acting which means that you could recover quickly from its effects, so the subject may have feeling in the nerves but be sedated enough to be unable to communicate or move. The British medical journal 'Lancet' published a 2005 study of the toxicology reports of 49 inmates executed inmates in four US states; 43 had levels of anesthesia lower than required for surgery, and 21 had levels that would indicate awareness. Anesthesiologists says that if a person were conscious at the time potassium chloride was administered, it would feel like boiling oil in the veins. An inmate might feel as if he were being burned alive from the inside, but be unable to move or speak because of the muscle paralysis and sedation."
(I have a slight conspiracy that the government intends for it to be like this, but I would hate to think that this happens to people who were wrongly convicted.)

So there you go.