Falling in Love, is such an Easy Thing to do

I'm working on a blog post right now, but it's not finished, and I felt like I hadn't done one in a while so I would just do one of those random question things. Then I remembered reading the article about 36 questions that will make you fall in love with someone. There's a Buzzfeed video you can watch about it, (I freaking love Buzzfeed). Basically there's this theory that if you go on a date and ask each other these questions, you'll fall in love. I mean, I doubt you'll fall in love with me just by reading it. I think you need to really have the interaction and hear each other's but hey, online dating is a huge thing right now, so people have probably used this online.

Think any of you will fall in love with me? Your choice.

Anyway, I was interested in what the questions were and even what I would answer to them. So why not use it as the template for my answering-random-questions post. So here wo go:


1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
This is tough. There's so many people that I look up to and am inspired by. Right now, I would probably say President Obama. I'm a democrat (not afraid to admit it) and am pretty pleased with him as a president. I think he has done a lot, and stood up to a lot of people, and has really engaged with the citizens of our country. Most of all I would really want to talk with him because of how influential he is. I would really love to share some of my political opinions with him and hear what he has to say in response. 

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Of course. Who hasn't dreamed of being famous at one point or another? I mean, I would love to be a famous rock star; duh. But I actually always wished I could host a charity-based tv show. Something like where I would do a different service project each episode; kind of like extreme home makeover but it would be helping people in a different way each week. Sounds cool, right?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
Yes, yes, yes. I sort of have a problem where when I'm talking, I'm so engaged in what I'm saying that I don't really think about what's coming out. Any time I know that I'm going to be doing a lot of talking, I go over things I want to say beforehand. 

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
Ahhhh there is so much that could go in here. I would say it would include eating thai food, seeing every show currently on Broadway, baking and then eating cannoli's, and then just going somewhere awesome with my closest friends like the beach or an amusement park, or both. 

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
Probably an hour ago when I was in the car. I love to sing in the car. I can play whatever I want, as loud as I want, and I don't have to worry about it bothering anyone. There's really no feeling like being on an open road and singing to your favorite songs. Try it. 

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
Definitely the body. I wouldn't want my aged body to hold me back from doing anything that I wanted to do. That, and I think it would be great to have the mind of a 90 year old. I would know so much more than I do now, so this would be a win-win. 

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
I don't! Should I? Theresa Caputo says in her book that the time you die is already planned out- idk about the way though. Regardless, that's not really something I would want to think about. (I definitely have a top way I don't want to die, and that's being buried alive.)

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
Well...I'm not on a date. But I guess three of my favorite qualities about myself? I am confident, I have great hair, and I know how to stand up for myself. 

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
This is tough, but I would say my independence. I grew up with parents who really sheltered me, and also parents who put me down a lot. If I didn't have this spirit of independence that I have now, I wouldn't have been able to get through it. Despite being sheltered, I really taught myself a lot. And even though they made me feel bad all the time, I was able to tell myself not to listen to the negativity and to believe in myself. And I'm really lucky to have been able to do so much on my own. 

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
Like I said, my parents, especially my mother, got me down a lot. My mother especially always attacked me and my personality and the type of person I was. They always act as if they supported me, but it was just a veil that covered up how much they tried to change me. I'm lucky that I was given a natural spirit of independence because I was able to continue to be who I was even when I was told not to. 

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
Eh, you don't need to know that much about me. I have parents who are doctors and were very strict and had high expectations for me. I went to Catholic school which gave me a great education. I played a lot of sports on got good grades. In high school I still did sports and got good grades, but I had trouble making friends. For some reason every time I got close to someone, they treated me like crap or betrayed me and thought it was funny. It kinda messed me up. Now I am at a great school. I love it. I have still struggled with friends but I've been able to realize that I don't need to be best friends with everyone. It's better to surround yourself by people who you know truly like you. Oh and I am getting ready for law school. Fun stuff. 

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Well if we are talking supernatural, I totally want to fly. Who doesn't? But out of anything, I wish I could picture and outfit and it would just appear on me. I have really great taste but it's hard to find the pieces you want, especially when the only sizes available are extra-small's. So yeah, that would be my dream ability. 

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
This is hard. I guess I would want to know who I'm going to marry/when I will meet him. I feel like that would be useful.

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
I don't know. I've done a lot, but there isn't much that I've really dreamed of doing. I mean, I love to travel and I've traveled. I wanted to go to London for a long time and I did this past winter. I think I have dreams that I haven't totally realized yet, so we will just wait for that to happen. I have thought about changing schools and going to the city, but it's so hard to afford. It's unfortunate that money holds a lot of people back from their dreams. 

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? 
This is another one I don't know. I'm proud of the things I've done in school and in sports in in work and other things. I've gotten a lot of athletic and academic awards so idk if any one thing stands out. Personally, I'm proud of myself for being able to stand up for myself and what I believe in. 

16. What do you value most in a friendship?
Definitely loyalty. Because of what I went through in high school, I constantly worry that people are just pretending to be my friends and that eventually they will turn on me. In a friend, I want to know that they are committed to our friendship. I also appreciate friends who have good senses of humor, who are smart, and who are driven.

17. What is your most treasured memory?
My freshmen year of college, my swim team won our swim championships. The men's and women's teams competed separately, but we practiced together and spent all our time together. In the past, the men's and women's teams had won individually, but never together. When they announced that not only had the girls won, but also they guys, it was the greatest feeling. We were all so happy and proud of each other, and to feel that kind of belonging as a freshmen in college was great. 

18. What is your most terrible memory?
I'm lucky that I haven't had a lot of death or disease in my family. I think the toughest thing was growing up and constantly fighting with my mom. I just remember one time she was screaming and calling me horrible names and I had no idea what brought it on and I couldn't get her to stop or get her to listen and it was so bad that I went into the garage and fell asleep crying in the car. It was so hard because there was never any reasoning with her, so I never understood where she was coming from and why she was always so mean and yelling all the time. I get that fighting with your mom is a typical teenage thing, but it was so much worse. And as a teenager who's struggling in high school, you don't want to come home to be bullied by the one person who's supposed to help. 

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
Of course. I would stop going to school, I would stop studying for the lsats. I would eat whatever I wanted, I would probably go after any guy I was interested in. I would travel and have fun. I would drop everyone from my life who I wasn't happy with. 

20. What does friendship mean to you?
Friendship is about supporting someone you care about. It's about being there for them and making them happy. Friendships are the easiest when two people like each other and appreciate each other and feel comfortable together. A good friend is ultimately someone that makes you happy, and that you make happy. 

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
Affection creeps me out if it's from someone who isn't a boyfriend/girlfriend. I'm not really sure why. I hate when other people touch me even if it's in a nice way. I just wish people would respect that. 
Love? I haven't quite figured that out yet. 

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
Well, I'm not talking to a specific person, but I can tell you qualities that I like in people. I love people who smile and laugh. I love people who aren't afraid to be who they are, and I like it when people complement others. It's a real sign of being both kind and humble. 

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
We're close in the sense that we talk a lot and always know what's going on with each other. I've already pointed out that my parents and I haven't always gotten along, but they've also always kept tabs on me, so I guess you could say we're close. They try to be warm, but how things have been in the past make it hard for me to accept them when they try to be warm. I would still say I had a happy childhood in comparison to others. Yeah I felt attacked a lot, but I'm lucky to have had more opportunities than most. I got to travel a lot, I got a great education, and I was able to be involved in a lot. 

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
So I established this in a lot of other questions. I don't want to bore anyone with more of my mom troubles. 

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “
To anyone reading this: "we are both great people. We are both beautiful people. We both deserve great things." Y'all are wonderful. Everyone. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. 

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “
"I wish I had someone with whom I could share a great vacation." I hate going on vacation with my family cuz we fight the whole time. I've always wanted to just grab a friend and go on vacation together. I am happier around my friends and I'm also more comfortable with myself and probably more outgoing. I would really love to just go on a fun getaway with another person. 

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
I would really want them to know that it's important to let me know when I've done something wrong. I picked up a lot of bad qualities from my parents and it has hurt my friendships. Sometimes I pick on my friends or I fight with them and I don't realize that I'm doing it. It really helps when they just let me know, but a lot of times they hold it in and that makes it worse. If I ever do something wrong, just tell me. I won't get upset or fight, I'll be thankful that you let me know so that I can stop it. 

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
This seems like a repeat. If it has to be something that I wouldn't normally say to a person, especially a guy, I would admit that I was physically attracted to them. When I like a guy, I'll complement his intelligence or personality or something, but not usually looks because that's so much more straightforward.  

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
Okay so luckily my most embarrassing moment is something I can laugh about. I'm a huge fangirl. I am obsessed with a lot of celebrities, especially Broadway stars. When I was in London, I got to see a show starring Aaron Tveit who is my second favorite Broadway star. Needless to say I was freaking out. I was freaking out in the weeks leading up to it. I think everyone was getting sick of me talking about him hahaha. So anyway, we saw the show and I was just staring at him the whole time because he was so close- I missed a lot of the show cuz I was too busy looking at him. So when the show got out, we waited around for him, and I was hyperventilating. When he finally walked over to us, I jumped behind my group because I was so scared. They kind of parted so he could see me, since they all knew we were basically there for me, and when he asked what he could do for us, I kind of just shoved my program in front of him and didn't say anything because I was panicking. I eventually blurted out something like 'I love you, I'm such a big fan'; I don't really remember. All my friends thought it was hilarious. We took a group picture and I sort of shoved someone out of the way to be next to him, which I didn't even think about til later. And I was shaking the whole time. I thought he couldn't feel it but everyone else in the picture could, so he definitely could. So yeah, it was embarrassing, but worse things have happened. 

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
The last time I cried was in front of someone was to my mom, because I was trying to be real adult about a situation and like always, she tried to deflect anything about herself and just tell me all the things that are wrong with me. I've always thought then when you have a problem with something that someone does, the best thing to do is calmly approach them about it. Unfortunately that never works for her. She gets angry and refuses to accept that there is anything wrong with her, and then attacks me by pointing out my flaws and my mistakes. It's horrible, but I can't just appease her. I'm not that kind of person. So I have to just stand my ground. 

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
Seriously? Hasn't this been asked like 4 times already? Maybe the point is to continue complementing someone because it makes them like you more. Well, I love everyone, as long as they are kind people. Always be kind and be confident. 

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
Never joke about the way someone looks. Don't joke about weight or height or hair or skin. It's not funny. It's hurtful. It makes people think it's okay to be mean if you pretend it's funny. Just don't joke about anything at the expense of others. Don't use gay jokes or transgender jokes or racial jokes or sexist jokes. Nothing is funny if it's mean. 

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
I would regret not telling my best friend how much she means to me. We've always been close, but we didn't really become best friends until this winter when we both went through tough break-ups. Hers was with her boyfriend of a few years, and mine was with who I thought was my best friend. It was tough but it really brought us together. She's such a great person. I've always been really proud of myself, so sometimes I struggle to admit that people have better qualities than me, but I have never doubted hers. She is so smart, and wise. I trust her advice more than anyone's and I'm never afraid to bring it to her. 
I feel like I've told her this indirectly, but I like the idea of telling people how important they are to you. 

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
I guess it would be any cash that I had; that makes the most sense. Assuming my money was in my pocket, I would probably try to save either my guitar or my ukulele. I'm not the best musician, I never really took lessons or anything and don't have the time to perfect them, but they are still important to me and bring me happiness. 

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
Definitely my brother. We aren't the closest, but we never fought as kids. I yell at him all the time for being ignorant and self-centered and close minded, but he's a great kid. He's driven, he's smart, he's funny, and even though he drives makes me angry sometimes, he's still really important to me. 

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
My biggest personal problem is that I've acquired a lot of bad traits from my parents. My dad likes to pick on people because he thinks it's funny, and my mom is arrogant and condescending. I try really hard not to be this way but I've been around it my whole life, so it's really hard not to. So the advice I would ask is how to get rid of qualities that have been a part of you for so long. It's so hard. 
So if anyone wants to comment and let me know, I would love that.


So... I hope whoever is reading this enjoyed it. I liked it, and whoever reads what I write, I really want to learn about you too. I love to meet people and make friends, so comment!

Differences Between High School and College

Today I came across a list of the differences between high school and college, intended to teach high school students what college is like. However, I disagree with a lot of it and I would hate for it to mislead highschoolers. So here, I am putting the list, and will follow each statement with my commentary.

25. In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.

Totally wrong. I do homework all the time. We all do homework. I also study. You do both in high school and both in college. 

24. No food is allowed in the hall in high school. In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.

It's more like alcohol. Students will do anything if there is alcohol included. Food definitely helps though. 

23. In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder; in college, on both.

Truth. You should actually do it in high school too. It's so much better for your shoulders. 

22. In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teacher’s guide.

True. But you don't really use lessons plans like in high school. A lot of classes are based on discussion, not cut and dry answers. 

21. In college, there are no tardy slips.

No, but you can still get in trouble for being late. Some professors will take off points, others will just lock you out. But it's true that some don't care if you are late. 

20. In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you get to live with your friends.

True, but don't think it's all fun and games. There's definitely times when you need space. It's more like you're living with yourself- that's the best way to do it. But you always have friends around which is great.

19. In college, you don’t have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.

That was a thing in high school? What?

18. Only nerds e-mailed in high school. (Cool kids hadn’t heard of it.)

Again, I'm not really sure what this means. But seriously, check your freaking email. You'll miss lots of important stuff if you don't. Use facebook too. I know it's not super cool anymore, but it's really useful to create pages for work and clubs and study groups. 

17. In high school, you’re told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose; that is, as long as the classes don’t conflict and you have the prerequisites and the classes aren’t closed and you’ve paid your tuition.

You're still given a list of classes you need to take- but you get to choose among them. It's based on your major. I have to take 4 American History courses- but I can pick which 4 I want. And you get electives just like in high school. But yeah, you can't really take anything upper-level unless you took the 100 level. 

16. In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your way out of it. In college, you’re lucky to ever talk with the professor.

So not true. This is totally dependent on the type of school you go to. If you go to a small school, all the professors will know you. I'm great friends with my professors actually. If you go to a bigger school you might not know them all that well, but they will probably still have office hours so you will be able to talk to them. 

15. In high school, fire drills are planned by the administration; in college, by the drunk frat boys on their way home when the bars close.

Actually, the school still has required fire drills in college. They have to. It's state law. 

14. In college, any test consists of a larger percentage of your grade than your high school final exams ever did.

Again, not necessarily true. It's totally dependent on how the professor decides to run the class. 

13. In high school, when the teacher said, “Good morning,” you mumbled back. In college, when the professor says, “Good morning,” you write it down.

Um, seriously what is this. I have a lot of classes that I don't take notes in, mostly because they are discussion based. The notes I take come from a lot of the reading that I do outside of class. Regardless...I wouldn't write down Good Morning. 

12. In high school, freshman guys hit on senior girls. In college, senior guys hit on freshman girls.

True. But also everyone hits on everyone. It's not really about what grade/class you're in. Nobody pays attention to that. 

11. In college, weekends start on Thursday.

This is only because it's really easy to make your schedule so that you don't have Friday classes. Yay college!

10. In college, it’s much more difficult to figure out the course schedule of the man/woman you have a crush on, in order to figure out where he/she will be walking around campus and at what time to find them there.

Pretty sure this is called stalking. Regardless, it's not totally true. I know where to find anyone on my campus, because I go to a small school. Every school is different. 

9. Once you’ve obtained the information described in #10, it’s much more time-consuming to run between classes to that place where you know he/she will be in order to “just happen to bump into him/her.”

Again, not true for me since I go to a small college. 

8. In college, there’s no one to tell you not to eat pizza three meals a day.

Truth. And there's pizza available at all hours of the day. Hence the freshmen 15. 

7. In college, your dad doesn’t pay for dates.

Did your dad pay for dates in high school? 

6. In high school, it never took 3 or 4 weeks to get money from Mom and Dad.

Get a job. Stop asking your parents for money. You're in college to learn how to be on your own. I have a job and so I have money when I need it. 

5. College guys are cuter than high school boys.

Well duh. 

4. College women are legal.

I don't like this because I believe it is suggesting something inappropriate...

3. In college, when you miss a class (or two or three), you don’t need a note from your parents saying you were skip….uh, sick that day.

No, but some professors will take points off unless you have a doctor's note so...

2. In high school, you can’t go out to lunch because it’s not allowed. In college, you can’t go out to lunch because you can’t afford it.

Well this is totally true. 

1. In college, you can blow off studying by writing lists like this.

You can blow off anything. anytime. College means procrastination on a whole new level. 

Raise Your Voice, Change the World

This spring I read Off the Sidelines by New York State Senator Kirsten Gillibrand. Seriously,  it was inspiring. If you are interested in politics, in women's rights, in being a working mom, whatever; you should read this. Here's what i have to say...

Kirsten Gillibrand was elected to the House of Representatives to represent New York State’s 20^th Congressional District in 2006. In 2008 she joined Chuck Schumer as New York’s junior senator. In 2014, she published Off the Sidelines: Raise Your Voice, Change the World. In her autobiographical text, she discusses her career in the law, her election process, and the work she has done in Congress since being elected. Though she touches on a number of topics, the main themes of her work are the fight for women’s rights and the ability to fight for your beliefs: in Congress, in politics, in the working world, in schools, and everywhere else in American life.

            Not everyone who goes in to politics starts out there. Kirsten explains this in her book while describing her law career. She attended Dartmouth University as her undergraduate and graduated from University of California at Los Angeles (UCLA) Law in 1991. After graduation she was hired at Davis Polk law firm in Manhattan where she was a defense attorney and worked major litigation cases. She made good money and was well respected. For years, she kept her life busy- working hours on end and either running outside or going to church in her little free time. She says that it was not until a few years later when she considered other options. In 1995, Hillary Clinton, who was the first lady at the time, spoke at the Fourth World Conference on Women which was being held in Beijing. At the time, Kirsten had not been feeling that her heart was in her work, and Hillary’s words made her see things clearer: “On that day, Hillary said her line about women’s rights being human rights, a line that I’ve repeated almost once a week for the past ten years. Her words were so simple, brave, and powerful, and when I heard them, something woke up in me.” Listening to Hillary speak made Kirsten realize that she needed to be focusing on the things that were really important to her. After thinking about it, she realized that what she wanted to be doing was changing the world for people, and she could not do that by working as a New York City attorney. Her experience is proof that in our society, not everyone is automatically interested in politics, but the politicians we have elected have the ability to instill that interest. In a democracy, the elected officials are not only expected to represent, but to make their constituents interested in the politics that surround them.

            Becoming a member of the political world is difficult, even when you have connections. Kirsten had relatives in politics, and therefore plenty of family friends in the field. Her first piece of advice she was given about joining the political world was to join the New York City chapter of the Women’s Leadership Forum. She just needed to give them $1000. She quickly learned that to join the political world, you do what needs to be done, whether it seems productive or not. She was taught, “in politics, you do what’s needed. If a candidate needs you to stuff an envelope, you stuff an envelope. When you believe in a cause, you aren’t picky; you just help. I think her argument here is difficult to accept, but true. Passion means taking on whatever it is that you are passionate about, and supporting it in whatever way you can. Citizens of the United States are being taught that to support something, they may be required to do small jobs, or simply donate money, which can feel defeating. However in our democracy, little jobs can equal big results.

Kirsten continued to be inspired by the politicians that she already looked up to. Joining the Women’s Leadership Forum gave her the ability to attend an event at which Hillary Clinton was speaking. There, Hillary said something that finally gave Kirsten the push to jump right into the political world. Hillary said, “Decisions are being made every day in Washington, and if you are not a part of those decisions, you might not like what they decide, and you’ll have no one to blame but yourself.” After that, Kirsten joined every political program she could find- boards, committees, mentor groups, etc. When Hillary Clinton decided to run for the New York State Senate in 2000, Kirsten wanted to join her campaign. However, it was incredibly difficult. She made calls and sent emails, but no one in the campaign offices had anything for Kirsten to do. She attended one of Hillary’s events and told her how much she wanted to help. Hillary gave Kirsten her secretary’s information, but when Kirsten contacted her, they still didn’t have work for her to do. Kirsten went to numerous events held by Hillary Clinton until finally she told her that no one in the office was giving her the ability to help out. So right then and there, Hillary gave Kirsten a job: to host a breakfast get-together with young women around the state who were like Kirsten, to talk to them about the issues and enlist their help and their votes. After Hillary’s election, Kirsten got in touch with Andrew Cuomo, who was serving as Secretary of Housing. He told Kirsten that if she truly wanted to be in the political world that she could not help from New York; she needed to move to Washington DC. So she did. Hillary showed Kirsten one of her early lessons about being a good representative: it’s hard to hear everyone’s voice at once, but always enlist help when it’s offered. You can never get too much help and as a representative. The best way to serve your people is to let them be involved. In a democracy such as ours, citizens have the opportunity to do that.

            It is difficult to gain support for an election when you have little background in politics. When Kirsten ran for the House of Representatives in the 20^th District, she was facing an area that had for years been Republican, and she was a Democrat. When she decided to run, she reached out to a friend who was a pollster, and he told her she had no chance of winning. He did not let her down easy or beat around the bush. He said that no matter how much she campaigned or how much money she raised, there would always be too many Republicans in the district. Even her own husband said he did not want to support her initiative unless she could prove to him that she could win. Also, Hillary Clinton was not sure that Kirsten should go for it. She questioned Kirsten on what she would do about her husband and her family and her other commitments. In other words, when you decide to run for office, you might not have everyone you want on your side. That is why as a representative, it is important to reach out to the people and gain their respect. Candidates with little political background have to rely on their voters and therefore be connected with the people because that can be their biggest source of support.

Being a Congressperson can come with a lot of negative politics. When Kirsten decided to run for office, Hillary Clinton told her, “Campaigns can be nasty stuff. You need to have a thick skin.” When you run for office, your entire life becomes public knowledge. Kirsten could not hide her family from the public eye, nor could she hide her personal life. Everything from her weight to her fashion to her marriage was looked at and criticized. Opponents attacked all the men in her family: her dad, her brother, and especially her husband. Her opponent, incumbent John Sweeney, ran numerous attacks ads against her that led to a truly nasty campaign. Although, Kirsten accredits a lot of these attack ads to her eventual win in late 2005. Attack ads are not uncommon; representatives use them all the time. What does that say about the role of being a representative? For us, it could say that being able to represent your voter’s means having to attack other representatives. It says that representatives cannot be in it to help each other, because helping others can mean the loss of your own ability to help your constituents. There is room for hundreds of representatives in the House, but only one in each district. Sweeney’s use of attacks ads displays the idea that wanting to be a representative means using whatever means necessary to ensure other people cannot do the same.

            Kirsten Gillibrand stresses that to be a good senator, you need to know what issues to fight for, and this happens by listening to your constituents. She states, "You can drop stacks of paper on my desk, but they won't be as effective as a single human being willing to speak honestly about her life." She continues to say that, "Good ideas don't come from Washington. They come from individuals willing to share their experiences and needs." For Kirsten, being a Congresswoman, means following the idea of a delegate-representative. She fights for the issues that her constituents want her to fight for, not necessarily what she personally wants. However, I think Kirsten is both a trustee and a delegate. She listens to what the people of New York bring to her, and then she takes those matters on and fights for them the way that she sees best fit. Kirsten Gillibrand is proof that representatives do not have to be one or the other; they can be both.

            Being a woman in politics, and in any business, is extremely difficult. Kirsten begins by talking about the stigma in America that assumes women should either want to work small jobs while their husbands make the big bucks or be stay-at-home moms. Women can be smart and empowered and work any job they want. However, when a woman stands up and enters into the world of business or politics or science, she is put down. Kirsten says, "It frustrates me how many people automatically assume the worst about ambitious women. Too few people believe that you can be ambitious, feminine, and a decent person at the same time." For Kirsten, taking a stand on issues meant people looking negatively at her as a woman, ignoring the issues themselves. On top of that, she found that being a woman at all made her a target, regardless of the issues. A study she was shown told her that “all comments about women, positive or negative, hurt what voters think of them." What does this say about our nation? Women are still such a rarity in government that they cannot become a part of the public eye in any way without being put down.

As a woman in politics, Kirsten found that if she was not being ignored because of her gender, she was being critiqued on her looks. Unfortunately, much of the focus on women is about how they look, not what they do. As an attorney, Kirsten was told not to dress too fancy because no one would take her seriously. She refused to wear anything other than a gray or navy pantsuit. She worried that if she wore a skirt instead of pants, or red instead of black, that she would put off the image of caring more about her style than her cases. This viewpoint did not change when she became a senator. She was constantly criticized for changing her looks. Men in Congress would either comment on her weight gains, or hit on her. She once received a comment from a male senator saying, “You’re even pretty when you’re fat!” When she was up for reelection, her campaign manager told her, “To win the election, you need to be pretty again.” He said it not because he thought she was unattractive, but because election statistics show that politicians whose appearances change (looking heavier, older, more tired) while in office do not get reelected. Kirsten explains the issue that men are not held to this same standard. No woman in Congress would hit on a man in Congress. No Congresswoman would tell a Congressman that he needed to bulk up. Yet in our current politics, women are criticized for their looks more than for their policies. Being a good representative should not depend on gender, however in the American democracy, being able to be heard by other members of Congress is much more difficult as a woman.

            Kirsten’s ability to get into the political world suggests that it is not necessarily about education, but about connections. Kirsten went to UCLA Law not because she thought it was the best school, but because she was following her current boyfriend. Though UCLA is a great school, we cannot be sure what type of education she received there and how prepared she was for a role in the political world, since she attended the school to be an attorney. Her ability to join politics came from the fact that her mother was an attorney, her father a lobbyist, and her grandmother the founder of the Albany Democratic Women’s Club. Of course they did not do the work for her. She had to educate herself, put herself out there, join groups, listen to the news and speak up about it; but she was able to do so because she had family friends in the business who gave her those opportunities. During her race, she contacted every woman in politics she had ever been introduced to, as well as judges, pollers, lobbyists, government officials, and scholars. Kirsten’s book shows that she understands how Congress works and is efficient at her job, but the process of her getting there suggests that without connections, one may not stand a chance of being elected. This says that in our democracy, hard work does not necessarily lead to success, but knowing the right people does.

            Kirsten’s explanation of the best way to be an efficient representative is the simple phrase: keep your friends close but your enemies closer. When Kirsten sought out to be a member of the House of Representatives, she was in a district surrounded by Republicans. She knew she was up for a fight, and it was not the democrats she needed to win over. She consulted with polling specialists who told her that the democrats in the district would vote democrat, but the Republicans might not necessarily vote Republican. Therefore, it was her job to give them a reason to vote for her: "If you only talk to your supporters, you'll never change anybody's minds." As a representative, not everyone you represent will agree with your policies. I admire Kirsten’s outlook that she sees it as her job to meet and talk with these people and make them understand why she does what she does.

            Kirsten has no secrets, whether it is her choice or not. As a politician, she cannot hide anything in her life. Sweeney used this against her in their congressional race. However, Kirsten has come to embrace it. After her senatorial election, she began posting her schedule online for the public to see, figuring that “anybody could Google anything these days.” Her staff worried that it would hurt her, since no other member of Congress did that. However, Kirsten argues that people have the right to know what she is doing, saying “If I can’t defend taking a meeting, then I shouldn’t be taking it.” This is another thing I admire about her. She believes in herself enough to feel comfortable letting her constituents know the details of her work. She knows what she is doing is important, and can defend herself as so. She understands that to be a good representative, she needs to prove that her constituents can trust her; something that not many politicians do.

            Kirsten offers three important lessons in her book. Lesson 1: Don’t wait to tell your story. She finds that she is most fueled to fight for an issue when it was brought to her by someone who is really passionate about it. She has had women with low-paying jobs come to her about healthcare, or victims of rape come to her about sexual assault in the military, or men diagnosed with diseases after working at 9/11 sites. These people are passionate about the issues they bring to Kirsten, and it is their passion that drives her to fight for them. She has had major victories in all three of these issues. She was able to pass a 9/11 healthcare bill that provided healthcare to people who worked at 9/11 sites and were either injured or diagnosed with diseases. In 2014 she got a majority vote in Congress towards a bill that would keep sexual assault cases from being decided within military ranks. She is currently working on summer programs that will help low-income families feed their children.

            Believe others will care. That is the second lesson she offers. She understands that there may be lots of cynics in Washington, but explains that the role of being a representative is to care about your constituents concerns, and there are genuine people in office who want to hear them. Kirsten serves as an example of someone who cares, as she is constantly meeting with people all over New York State to hear what they have to say, and then bringing those issues to Congress (which can be seen by looking at her calendar). Her third lesson is that persistence works. There are a lot of people in this country, so though representatives do want to hear what you have to say, it is hard, but she encourages people to call, email, visit, and do whatever they can, because it will pay off in the end. Kirsten said it took her dozens of phone calls with Hillary Clinton to really make progress on some important issues, but it worked. She uses this method herself whenever she gets the chance to see President Obama. She explains, “I’ve learned to use every second I get with the president wisely. If I have his ear, I have an obligation to my constituents to advocate for them. Every time I know I am going to see President Obama, I have a mission.” She sets an example for the American people- we are all representatives. We all fight for our own issues and continue to bring them to others who represent us, until we have enough people on board.

            If I had no other knowledge of politics, or of Congress and representation, I would think every member of Congress has got it right, because I would assume this was the autobiography of the average Congressperson. Kirsten is an exception to the rule. To me, she seems to know exactly what she is doing. She is both a trustee and a delegate. She voices the concerns that are brought to her. She reaches out to every politician she can for help. She does not keep secrets. She balances work and family, and her time between DC and New York. If I were to read her book without any prior knowledge of the government, I would not know what a standout she is. However, reading it and knowing the struggles that other candidates face, I can argue that Kirsten Gillibrand has got it right. Ignoring policies and political parties, though I agree with many of them, she is the perfect example of someone who knows how to be a representative in the United States government. I am inspired by the work that she does and the mindset in which she does it. She says, "I'm a big believer in making your own luck- putting yourself in the best possible position to take advantage of your circumstances." She makes me want to be more active in political issues and reach out to my representatives. I agree with her when she says "There are women doing amazing things and you should be one of them."I believe that were anyone to read her book, they would feel the same way too.